San Diego Sober Living - Recovery

Why Do I Feel More Socially Awkward without Alcohol?

Depending on the context, social awkwardness can be described as a personality trait, behavioral condition, or an uncomfortable situation. It’s generally viewed negatively from various perspectives, particularly when it causes concern from a self-awareness standpoint. For instance, you may feel uncomfortable around others because you think they’re uncomfortable around you. When recovering from substance abuse and addiction, feeling socially awkward can be a heavy cross to bear during the journey to sobriety.

Social Awkwardness as a Matter of Perception

Admiration for individuals who are cooler than others is a dynamic trait of Western civilization. There are levels of coolness, and being socially fluent is often near the top. Social awkwardness is at the bottom of the coolness totem pole, something most people try to avoid for somewhat valid reasons. We easily accept those who are effortlessly cool. From a cultural perspective, we make them the life of the party. When they’re part of our drinking circle, we perceive them as being free of character flaws. We think they can “handle their liquor” despite not really knowing how their psyches are operating, so we often enable them.

Neurochemical and Psychological Effects

As a potent disinhibitor, liquor makes you feel chemically confident. Ethanol molecules enhance gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) activity, thus shutting off that pesky self-critic that chastises you for not being cool. This is the liquid courage many people crave to get along with others. Psychologically speaking, the self-critic in your subconscious directs you to avoid social interaction, thus creating a negative feedback loop that makes you feel even more uncomfortable with everyone, including yourself.

When You’re No Longer the Life of the Party

It’s easy to think of celebrities like Ashley Walters as being cool. The 43-year-old British rapper and actor recently starred in the hit Netflix series Adolescence after the acclaimed drama Top Boy and films such as Get Rich or Die Tryin’ and Speed Racer. In a recently published biography, Walters came clean about his 20-year struggle with alcoholism, which he realized was caused by a lifelong battle with social awkwardness. In other words, he felt the need to get drunk so he could live up to social expectations. Walters relapsed many times because being the life of the party was central to his life as a functioning alcoholic. As a consequence, his journey to sobriety featured an ugly return to awkwardness without social lubricants. Non-alcoholic beer and “mocktails” didn’t work for Walters, who eventually entered a counseling program to understand why he couldn’t be honest with himself.

Dry, Sober, and Socially Awkward

People who enter rehab facilities, such as those that provide Solana Beach sober living housing, and participate in group counseling sessions rarely feel comfortable with themselves. This is expected and understandable because anxiety, depression, guilt, regret, and shame will make anyone feel socially awkward. This often happens after detox or rehab, and it can extend to the outpatient stage of recovery. Feeling sober shouldn’t be confused with being dry. If you’re haunted by feeling socially awkward, you still have miles to go on your journey to sobriety. Your brain reward system must heal before you can feel like Ashley Walters, a man who doesn’t need liquor as a social crutch when feeling awkward around others.

If you’re newly sober and you need help with avoiding relapse, call on the compassionate team at Casa Pacifica. Along with providing men’s sober living in Solana Beach, we work with our individual residents to develop customized plans that integrate treatment, aftercare, and recovery support. Our services include sober companionship, coaching, and mentorship for those who are recovering from addiction to alcohol and other drugs. For more information about our sober living facilities, call us today.